It's ok, we have a pill for that.

Ok, so don't get me wrong, I'm all for advances in medicine but these days we have a pill for everything imaginable. Depressed? Take this pill. Back hurts? Take this pill. Don't like the color blue? Take this pill, alright I think you get the point. I guess this wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for all the awesome side effects. Prilosec (heartburn medication) for instance, side effects are nausea, gas, bloating, vomiting and heartburn... Wait, heartburn? I swear that's what I was taking this crap for in the first place but now I get to throw up too? Sounds like a deal. Another great one is Advair (asthma medication) which has been linked to asthma related death...kudos to the pharmaceutical company on that one.

I heard about this new drug called Propecia the other day, it's supposed to be an amazing breakthrough in preventing and reversing hair loss. My first thought was "Sweet!", because man, I just don't dig baldies. Then they start going on about on those super fun side effects, one of which is 'gynecomastia'. I didn't know what the hell that was, and since I'm incapable of letting things go, I turned to Google. Boy, wasn't my easily amused mind pleasantly surprised to find it meant growing boobies! I mean, seriously? Boobs? It could be worse though guys; given, you're still not going to get a date but at least you get to see boobs now.

'Alli' totally cracked me up, I'm sure you've seen this drug on TV. It's that weight loss pill that always has fat ladies speed walking in their commercials. Next time you see it, stop looking at the lady pretending to jog and read that fine print on the bottom of the screen. Those side effects are the best. My personal favorite? "May include gas with oily discharge, an increased number of bowel movements, an urgent need to have them, and an inability to control them." So... short version, you shit yourself. Really? I pretty sure I'd rather keep my fat ass. I mean, you think people laugh at you for being a little thick, imagine what will happen when you crap yourself at the grocery store!

Anyone feel like trading acne for broken bones, seeing shit that isn't there, going deaf, the uncontrollable urge to kill yourself and more? Yeah? Then Accutane is just for you!
No one wants acne, but I'd rather have a pizza face for eternity than even one of these side effects. Shit like this is a key sign of how vain people are these days. If you're willing to exchange beauty for your ability to hear then you have even more issues than me! Not to mention folks, I'm pretty sure you're going to have an easier time finding someone who's ok with pimples than someone who's ok with you hallucinating and sobbing irrationally. But shit, that's just my opinion...