Wait, was that English?

Can someone please explain to me what the hell happened to the English language? When did you guys decide it was cool to start using the letter 'z' in place of 's', and why knock letters off the end of words, like saying 'wit' instead of 'with'? I'm pretty sure it's not that hard to put that last letter in there, and leaving it out does nothing but make you sound like a total douche. I get trying to fake that you're smarter than you are, but why in the hell would you go out of your way to sound like a total dumbass? I'm sure a bunch of you are thinking "Oh, people only talk like that in texts because it's quicker." If that were true I probably wouldn't be so peeved right now. Maybe you folks don't realize just how many brilliant people out there actually submit resumes in their ghetto-fabulous language and trust me, they do. The rough part is that you know most of the people doing this do in fact know how to speak and write correctly, they just choose not to.

What's worse to me than the people who just drop letters off words are those special kinds of jackasses who wRitE LiKe tHiS. Why do that? Please, someone explain this to me. It makes no sense, not only does it look completely ridiculous but it must take forever to write like that. You have hit the shift key like every half a second, and I have better shit to do, like complain about you people. The real confusing thing is that a lot of the time these people are the same ones who drop the letters off words. You don't have time to put the 'h' in 'with' but you can take twice as long to type a sentence just to look like a moron? Well, cheers to you people, you've successfully baffled the crap out of me.

You also have those folks who type with 'caps lock' and use a lot of exclamation points. I can't help but imagine these sentenced being screamed, I might be alone in this but capital letters and exclamation points show intensity to me. The problem however, these sentence are never intense. It's always stuff like "I'M GONNA GO TAKE A SHOWER!!" That must be one really exciting shower, I'd like to know what's going on in there to require such bold writing style. Who knows, maybe I'm just not cool enough for shit like this. I'd like to think that's not true though. That would make me wrong, and I must say, I'm not a fan of being wrong. With that being said, I'm sticking with the assumption that I'm right and therefore telling all you people to stop it. Stop it now, you are ruining English and hurting my brain.