Did you trade your brain for peanut M&Ms and a BJ?

    So many of the decisions people make leave me speechless, well actually that's not true. They make me rant uncontrollably but we won't pick at straws. I really don't understand what goes through people's minds most of the time. I'm starting to think the government is putting something in the water to dumb us down, after all, the dumber we are the less likely we are to notice what fuck ups they are. I've just now decided to live under the assumption that this is true, it's easier to accept than the fact the our entire species is evolving into walking, talking douchebags.
    One major annoyance of mine has always been trendy words and the hipster jackasses that use them. These morons have taken it a step further though and started naming their children with trendy, bullshit words. A kid I know knocked up his girlfriend and they recently found out they're having a girl, goodie for them. I asked the normal question of "have you guys picked a name?" I got an amazing answer, Amerida. Amerida? Really? What the fuck does that even mean? To me it sounds like what America would sound like if someone with down syndrome said it. I mean, why not just give her a shitty hair cut and dress her poorly if you want her to come home crying from school?
    Another fantastic decision people make are the things they decide to tattoo on themselves. Don't get me wrong, I love tattoos, even have a few myself. However, you guys really need to put a little more thought into what you're putting on your bodies for eternity. I've found that 1 out of 5 men has their last name tattooed on them. Why is this? Do you often forget your name from too many blows to the head and need this as a reminder or do you just like looking like a tool? I'm gonna go with both. I think tattoos should have meaning, like the tramp stamp, it means 'I'm an easy slut.' therefore it falls into the acceptable tattoo category. What isn't acceptable is the guy I saw at the grocery store with a Bud Light can tattooed on this throat. It took every bit of self control I had to not point and laugh at this guy. I probably wouldn't have resisted but, if he was irrational enough to put a beer can on his throat forever then he probably wouldn't hesitate to beat me to death with the can of spam in his basket and I prefer to live. Even if it means living around mindless schmucks.

Merry F***ing Christmas.

Oh Christmas, where do I start? Through my naive, child eyes this Holiday seemed perfect. Boy, was I wrong. How did a day that's supposed to be about love and family get so completely fucked? 
 
This whole Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays thing really pisses me off. And before you start saying "I know, how dare they tell us we can't say Merry Christmas!" let me tell you, that you're an idiot. Most of you aren't even Christian, why the hell do you care. Even if you are I'm pretty sure people aren't going to forget it's Christmas just 'cause the clerk at Walmart says Happy Holidays. But let's just use it as a reason to get pissed off and call people assholes, after all that's the true spirit of Christmas right? How dare people have their own beliefs! 

The people who ARE religious that freak out about this are my least favorite kind of assholes though. Seriously people? How about you look down at that WWJD bracelet you're wearing and ask yourself if Jesus would be a raving jackass at Christmas. 

We also have those people who do nothing but whine about how commercial Christmas has become. I've never seen any of you doing anything to change this. Are you volunteering at soup kitchens? Making you family do homemade gifts or no gifts at all? No, you're not. You're at the mall spending hundreds of dollars on things your loved ones will never use just like everyone else. But, you continue to bitch and complain because once again that's the true meaning of Christmas. 

With this all being said I'm going to enjoy my holiday season. I'll give my daughter the present she asked Santa for, I'll have food and drinks with the people I love, and I'll toast to all the bitter assholes out there who just don't get it. Merry fucking Christmas folks! 

The Fryeburg Fair, financially raping us since 1851

I remember when I was a kid the fair seemed magical, sadly this isn't the case anymore. I'm not really sure if it really was nicer when I was little or if it was just that whole innocent child thing. My guess is a little of both. Don't get me wrong though, I still love it. I mean, how could you not love the fair? Cheesy games with weird prizes, rides that make you hurl, gambling, people doing stupid shit with big trucks and last, but sure as hell not least, the food. I always get a kick out of fair food, you can find deep fried anything. Place is a fat kid's dream.

I was a little bummed to see that the musics been updated. I wandered past the Thunderbolt and heard bad pop music, even a couple years ago they were still playing Poison... I always kinda thought it was in some secret carny handbook that you had to play 80's hair bands on the rides. It is that same creepy guy running it though. He still has that greasy mullet and those unkempt sideburns that come to a point along his jaw all classy like. I can't help but wonder if the dirty blue jumpsuit he wears is the same one he had when I was a kid. I'm thinkin' it is.

There are a lot of strange little things I don't ever remember seeing before. Like the inspirational notes in the women's bathrooms. Did you guys see these? I walked into the bathroom and noticed little post-it notes everywhere, I didn't bother to read them because frankly, I don't care. Then I went in the stall, this time I had no choice; they taped it to the inside of the door, tricky bastards. It read "When depressed, remember your hopes and dreams and just smile. Have a nice day!" ...Hmmm, now maybe it's just me but that's kind of a weird thing to put in a bathroom. But, it's whatever.

Now, we all know the fair likes to financially rape us, it always as. Ya always pay $5 to play a crappy, rigged game where if you're lucky, you'll win a broken yoyo and I'm ok with that. However, they're starting to cross the line. I actually witnessed a friend pay $3 for a bottle of soda than had already been drank. I mean, really guys? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for making a profit but if you're selling previously eaten food then we need to talk. Honestly though, I know by this time next year I'll have forgotten all this crap and be as excited as shit for the fair. But hell, carnivals have always been trashy right? Why change 'em now?